I should be happy now.
I got something I've been dreaming about.
I got her.

But deep down in my heart, there's insecurity.
What is this?
And why do I feel this way?

Somebody, tell me..

Do you have that one friend with whom you haven't been able to get in touch for so long that you're wondering if he's still alive?

I mean like "where are you now, dude?"

Greed..

Human's greed is bottomless.
The thirst can't be satisfied, never will be.
Is this the only way we live our life? Alongside with greed?

Such a shame..

I'm addicted to you.

I was told that most of the things I wrote are about sad things, things with negative energy, and some other related stuffs. It's either sadness, anger, shame, self-hatred, etc. I never really thought about that until someone pointed it out. So maybe, it's really true.
Well, it's a possibility that my life actually isn't all that bad, it's just that I love writing about it to the extreme, sadly negatively. I don't really know why, but perhaps I like to think like a melancholia, I always assume sadness is more poetic, and I feel like most of us can relate to that kind of thing. It's sad, pathetic even. I'm fully aware of that. Not to mention, it actually attracts other negative things to my life which can make me more and more depressed.
But what to do? I like to write the way I like it, which is unfortunately negatively. And I feel happy when I'm doing it (now that's a paradox). Isn't that what really counts?
Anyway, I think I'll still continue to write this way, but perhaps now with some other spice of positive energy which hopefully can turn my way of viewing life.

And that's today's portion!

Perhaps, life is not that bad at all.
There's still people who still care.
There's this person with whom I'm actually not that close, but literally just made my day by sending me this.
Thanks..

Perhaps I'm not ready for a new relationship. Perhaps I was never ready.
I keep repeating the same mistakes I always made, even before I have THAT relationship.
How can I expect myself to nurture the relationship when the time comes if I destroy it before it grows?
Perhaps I'm not ready for this relationship. Perhaps I should just give it up.